Wife, mother and counselor Hadijjah Ahmed explains why couples must talk about expectations early, how a second marriage can wound a first family, and why every woman needs a source of income of her own.
Marriage takes love, sacrifice and understanding. It also takes responsibility and personal growth, says Hadijjah Ahmed, a wife, mother and counselor at Tamu Caring Counselors Office in Kiwenda. She sees these lessons every day in her work with couples and families in distress. Ahmed shared her experiences during a visit to Noor Media Studios, where she was hosted by Mr. Lubega Ibrahim. She spoke about the realities of counseling, changing expectations in marriage, the emotional toll of infidelity and the need for financial independence, especially for women.
Counseling as service
For Ahmed, counseling is a profession and also a service to humanity. Sometimes that means putting compassion ahead of payment.
In this job, sometimes we work for Allah. You meet people who do not have money, but you still have to step in and help them, she said.
She says many clients simply need someone who will listen without judging. A counselor’s role, she believes, is to help people understand their problems and make informed decisions, not to decide the future of their relationships for them.
Some people come and cry in front of you, but you have to let them cry, she said, stressing the importance of giving clients room to express their emotions.
The work has its difficulties, including sensitive family disputes and concerns about personal
security. Even so, Ahmed says counseling has strengthened her, and she thanked her friends
and her husband for supporting her journey.
When courtship ends and family life begins.
Ahmed says some couples struggle when the affection and attention of courtship give way to
the demands of running a family. Financial pressure and the burden of providing for a household can change how some men show love, she observed, sometimes leaving their wives feeling neglected.
Her advice is to talk about expectations before marriage and keep communicating as circumstances change. Understanding each other’s responsibilities, she says, prevents misunderstandings and helps build stable homes. Her caseload suggests women are more likely than men to seek help. Of every 15 clients, she says, about 10 may be women and five men. Many of the women complain that their husbands changed after the wedding, which she says shows why couples should raise concerns before
they grow into serious disputes.
The pain of a second marriage.
Ahmed also addressed the emotional strain when a man takes another wife. A second marriage, she stressed, should never mean abandoning the first wife or neglecting the children and other responsibilities of the first family.
For women who have spent years supporting their husbands and raising children, discovering another relationship can bring deep disappointment and distress. Ahmed noted that this can contribute to depression, particularly when a woman feels her sacrifices have been ignored. She urged families to handle such situations with fairness and responsibility, and encouraged women to protect their own economic well-being.
“Build a man, but build yourself as well”
This is the heart of Ahmed’s message. A business or an independent income, she says, gives women the power to make informed choices about their futures. She cautioned against giving up personal ambitions entirely while helping a partner succeed, because relationships can change unexpectedly.
She also warned young women against relying on romantic promises made during courtship. Instead, she urged them to look for honesty, consistency and responsibility before making long-term commitments.
Build a man, but build yourself as well, she advised.
Ahmed was clear that this is not a call to abandon a partner. Supporting a spouse, she says, should go hand in hand with personal development. Both partners should help build the family while keeping their own goals and sense of self-worth.
Reflecting on her career, she described experience as a powerful teacher, even when its lessons hurt. Through counseling, she hopes to help couples understand their challenges, communicate better and make thoughtful decisions about their relationships.
Where to find help
Tamu Caring Counsellors Office is at 23 Luwawu Road, Kiwenda, and offers affordable counseling to individuals and couples facing relationship and family concerns.
Audiences can watch Ahmed’s full interview on the Noor Media YouTube channel and follow Noor Media on its other social media platforms.